Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
