I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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