with your own penis?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize