wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
