I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
