last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
