is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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