end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The air taste purple.
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