You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize