happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
