Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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