I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
