you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
