just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My life is pants optional.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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