Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
