Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
