Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
