Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
