can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nicole vs. Life
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
