I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
