I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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