I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
