omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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