Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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