I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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