ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
