I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
