Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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