I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
