11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
