I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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