haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
