There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
