I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
