Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
