the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize