Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
