you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
