why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
