I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
