yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
