Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
