last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
