Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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