You're earring is so big in my mouth
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
