dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
