i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
