Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
