Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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