So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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