Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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