yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
