Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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