ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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