where am i from again
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
