For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
