Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i think my cat just said my name.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
