I need help removing her.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
