If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
