I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
