Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
