Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
