Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize