Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
