yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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