We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
