No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
