I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
