Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
