Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
